Thursday, January 19, 2006

Constitutional Amendments

It's been 19 days since N moved in. Everything is good. His stuff fit after quite a lot of tweeking and generally he's being Mr. Wonderful. (And its fun to amuse myself by thinking about this large, macho, African guy sitting among piles and piles of yarn, knitting, barbies, etc....try it! It's fun!)
There's just one nagging, insanity inducing little problem. I believe that I lean toward misanthrope. And what I mean is that I need quite a lot of time when everyone just shuts up. The other people in the apartment, the T.V., the radio, the assholes upstairs. Everyone just needs to shut the fuck up now and then to keep me sane. So as to not hurt the feelings of Little A, N, and the assholes upstairs, this silence is best achieved through pure and simple alone time. In the past 19 days, I have had approximately 6.23 hours ( this would be .34 hours per day) of awake alone time (and I spent a good 3 of those talking to Roo last Friday). This. is. not. enough.
And this circumstance has produced, this morning, a woman who feels deeply and passionately that there should be a constitutional amendment that prohibits this oh so fucking fabulous free speech before 9AM. And by "free speech", I DO mean ALL speech. Punishable by death.
It's difficult to get people to shut up in the morning. It's as if they've stored up 8 hours worth of chatter during the night and just explode once the alarm goes off.
N: What are you doing today?
V: Grunt.
N: So, today is an early day.
V: Grunt.
Little A: What's in my lunch?
V: Grunt.
And yes, I exaggerate. (Don't go all Frey on my ass, ok?) Since Little A was born, I've had to temper my morning hatred of all humankind. So, I'm better. But inside my head, forget it. There is ONLY cussing. Like a truck driver. Who just ran over his own foot with 9 of his 18 wheels. Unfortunately, my lack of alone time makes it harder every morning. Without my serene quiet time, it makes it more likely that one morning we'll have an exchange like this:
N: Can you make me a sandwich to take for lunch?
V: WHAT? WHAT DID YOU SAY TO ME YOU FOUL MOUTHED ASS HOLE??? HOW DARE YOU SAY SUCH THINGS TO ME RIGHT NOW!!! DO I LOOK LIKE A DELI COUNTER GIRL TO YOU??? OR DO I MAYBE LOOK LIKE SOMEONE TO WHOM YOU SHOULD HAND A CUP OF COFFEE AND SHUT THE FUCK UP???
I don't really think he knows I'm this insane yet.
Sunday....sweet Sunday. He should be at work from 8-12. And I. WILL. BE. ALONE!!!!!!!!!!!!

And by the way...morning talk radio? Honestly, WHO can stand to listen to that asinine blathering so early in the day? Doesn't it stifle your will to live?

10 Comments:

Anonymous Nancy said...

Oh, I am soooo much the same way, I feel ya. Don't even try to talk to me before I've had my cup of coffee. And today even the coffee didn't cut it. Unfortunately, my husband J is a morning person, so he's full of songs and chitchat in the AM, whereas I need time to warm up to the day.

"Do I look like a deli counter girl to you?" heh heh.

9:08 AM  
Blogger Melissa said...

When I first wake up, if anyone so much as THINKS about saying a single word to me in that first hour, I WILL PULL A STEAK KNIFE FROM MY KITCHEN DRAWER AND JAB IT INTO HIS/HER EAR.

9:15 AM  
Blogger Tink said...

I took some sinus medicine this morning and I swear to God I think my face is semi-paralyzed. The coffee isn't even putting a dent in my grogginess. I feel like running someone over with a beer truck. I think it should be noted that I can't even drive one of our beer trucks. I hope you get the peace and quiet you deserve!

9:57 AM  
Blogger JayneSays said...

Oh, I hear you! Luckily, my husband is pretty much the same way. On mornings off together, we pretty much sip our coffee, read, and occasionally glare and grunt towards each other if we need to communicate for the first hour or so . . .

12:12 PM  
Anonymous TB said...

You're not misanthropic, just introverted. At least that's what I tell myself. But I have the luxury of having a husband who works out of town at least one week out of every month. Yes I miss him, but man I sure do value that alone time. I'm going to miss it when I have kids.

1:23 PM  
Anonymous kat said...

that is why i am perfectly fine with living alone. i love me time!

thanks for stopping by and commenting. i see that you are in boston. i went off to BU my freshman year...and decided to transfer after the FIRST snowstorm. what was i thinking?

i need to get back up there soon...when its warm. ;)

11:52 PM  
Anonymous kat said...

it would help if i could spell my own site correctly so the link worked, eh?

stop by again sometime!

11:58 PM  
Anonymous roo said...

Now that Little A is warming up to N, make him take her places. Tell him they should take some time to bond. Then sit back, sip some tea and enjoy the silence.

12:39 AM  
Blogger V said...

Steak knives....beer trucks....Little A and N outings...GOOD SUGGESTIONS!

8:45 AM  
Blogger Dawn said...

I would suggest fun movies. Does she like animation? Hoodwinked? NArnia?

I send T and Em to the movies every so often to have that "No one in the house making any noise or asking me for jack shit" time.

No talkee in the morning! NO TALKEE!

11:49 AM  

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