Thursday, January 12, 2006

Fun Family Facts

Confessions about what the hell I grew up with:

1. My dad is a minister. We used to have a 45 minute commute to church, and on the way home, he would always buy scratch tickets.

2. I was paid to read the Bible. I believe the going rate in 6th grade was 25c a chapter, which could really add up when you pretended like you were really reading.

3. My mom wrote Sunday school material when I was young. Now she is a minister.

(You may now all stop wondering how I ended up to be such a shameful godless human being....can you say OVERKILL?)

4. We used to have family reunions with extended family. Sexist, racist, Nascar obsessed extended family. Before these reunions, I thought that egg-tosses were fun and not dangerous to one's health.

5. My grandma can do anything. Still. She's 84, and when I spoke to her over the summer she said "I haven't worked in almost 2 months! Is that terrible!?"

6. My eldest sister still openly resents and detests my brother for coming along and ruining her great life. She was 1 and 1/2 then. Now she's 40.

7. I'm the youngest and I can fake cry like nobody's business!

8. My parents let me house-sit during a funeral when there was a rash of robberies in the neighborhood. What they thought I would do at 15 when faced with a potentially armed robber, I have no idea.

9. RE: #8 I'm far younger than my siblings. By the time I came around, my parents were sick of parenting. They tried experiments with independence instead. They also taught "parenting classes" in their church during this time. I believe the general theme was "Let 'em do whatever the fuck they want. They'll probably live through it."

10. My dad has been trying to convince me that I'm a lesbian since he saw me reading Orlando. It's generally accepted in the family that my dad is horrified that at least one of his children isn't gay. He was really hoping to have the big accepting moment to prove what an open-minded guy he is.

11. My dad has posters of Ghandi and Martin Luther King, Jr. all over his office. This is one of my favorite things about him.

12. My mom would indulge in any craft that I ever desired. This is one of my favorite things about her. She's also a writer and a brutal editor (even in childhood), which is one of my other favorite things about her.

13. My oldest brother would dare me to run around the house 10 times....20 times...etc...while he was babysitting me so that he could make out with his girlfriend. He was my favorite, so I always did it.

Thirteen is always the best number to end with.

10 Comments:

Anonymous TB said...

This is freaking awesome and also very informative. I feel like I know you much better than I did 10 minutes ago.

11:11 AM  
Blogger Tink said...

You crack me up!! #10 still has me laughing.

11:58 AM  
Blogger JayneSays said...

Love the list, very informative!

5:03 PM  
Anonymous Nancy said...

Holy cow, that's a great list. Verrrry interesting family.

9:45 PM  
Blogger mothergoosemouse said...

I agree - very interesting list! Makes me want to read more tales of your childhood.

11:14 PM  
Anonymous V-Grrrl said...

Sounds like sitcom material

6:55 AM  
Blogger SO said...

LOL, Vick!! I can't believe I've known you for like 2 years and didn't know most of the things on that list, except that your parents are/were ministers....

VERY funny!!

10:26 AM  
Blogger The Silent K said...

Hmmm.

I wonder if the things you bought with your bible reading money were somehow more holy...

11:31 PM  
Blogger V said...

Ahhh yes.....holy holey life savers. :)

9:56 AM  
Anonymous Kristen said...

I memorized all the books of the bible to win an actual bible. I still know them and can say them at rapid pace, even when plastered. Thanks for visiting.

4:27 PM  

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home