Snippets of May life.....
Most days, I have been reading until my eyes fall out. Between the endless articles and books that are stacked in queue for my project, I've been reading BIOLOGY chapters. Yes, biology. I will begin Biology class tonight. I have to keep saying it over in my head to believe it. I will begin Biology class tonight. I have not taken any science class since I was 16. (That would be 14 years....almost half my life if we're keeping track.) And I weasled my way out of high school biology by opting for chemistry instead. So, tonight, I will get my just desserts. The weasle will now face the biology that she narrowly escaped in her teenage years. Normally, I don't really doubt my academic ability, but this one has me a little nervous. Hence the pre-reading of Biology chapters. I'm really not that diligent of a student (in college I barely made it to 60% of my classes....and that's an optimistic estimate), but I do have my ego to consider and I just cannot drop from being one of the smartest kids in class to being stumped by god damned domain names just because I never took that god damned class. So, while most people will know my preventive reading as motivated preparation, you all will know it for what it really is....Ego-cushioning.
*****
Things with N were fairly "friendly" for a time. I'm pretty sure this was caused by his perpetual thought of "I can smooth things over by being sweet...or funny....and I'll never-ever have to address any of the problems." Deep thought, eh? Yes, and one that annoyed the piss out of me. Don't get me wrong, had he come to me and actually wanted to wade into the mucky waters of issues of problems, I would've been hard-pressed to say no. Feelings don't die that quickly, and that sort of show of maturity would have gotten me. But, that's just not N. He does not face things. He does not talk. He does not even admit that any feeling not within himself is valid. Things became decidely less friendly this weekend. I don't know if he got upset that his smoothing over was being completely rejected, or if something else happened independent of our nonsense, but on Sunday afternoon, he declared in a very surly manner, that he was not coming back around for a LOOOOOOONG time. He wouldn't say why (shocking for a guy who doesn't talk?) and just kept repeating that it was "personal". Whatever. His melo-drama is just too old for me to give a shit about anymore. So that's that.
****
He finally took the God-box. I was happy to see it go. After trying to convince myself that I could become a fine cable-paying customer for the sake of Little A's Powerpuff Girls for three weeks, I cancelled the cable also. I just cannot pay for T.V. I just don't like it enough. I told her I'd get her Powerpuff girls from Netflix. It's worked out pretty well so far.
****
And lastly, in N-ish news, I've found that reading pages upon pages of feminist literature and theory during a break up is pretty damn good and so right now, I'm loving my thesis, though I suspect that its starting to get away from me. Occasionally I read something that makes me feel like a complete and total cliche, but on the whole, its very cathartic....to read...to be angry....to understand....to be less angry. It's good. I'm glad it's what I'm working on right now.
****
I'm pretty sure that the reason that Little A wasn't too distraught over the N exodus was because she had maybe started to develop a bit of a sibling rivalry feel about him. She seems very obviously happy to not have someone else in the house drawing my attention away from her...and it seems to have been worth the loss of his attention. I can't blame her, but it certainly doesn't bode well for any future dating. Luckily, I'm pretty done with it right now. It's time for a break anyway.
****
And as all things collide at once, Little A also received her first direct initiation into feminism. We were listening to a kids radio show on Saturday night and a president song came on, naming all the presidents up until Clinton and the following conversation ensued:
Little A: Who is Bill Clinton?
Mom: He was president before George Bush (she grimaces...she's already been initiated into that way of thinking). He was a good president. And maybe his wife Hillary will be president someday. Maybe.
Little A: There were no women in the song....why were there no women in the song?
Mom: Because there haven't been any women presidents.
Little A: WHY???
Mom: (Sure...at this point, I could've just said I didn't know and let her piece it all together herself, but I wouldn't have pieced it together when I was that young, so I told her...) Well....see men have most of the power now...like they are presidents and congressmen and all that. And they're afraid that once a woman becomes president she'll be so much better at it than they are, that they'll never get their power back.
Little A: Oh. So maybe a woman will be president soon?
Mom: Maybe. Maybe....
And that's been my life for the past couple of weeks. The excitement over here never ends...I'm tellin' yuh....
*****
Things with N were fairly "friendly" for a time. I'm pretty sure this was caused by his perpetual thought of "I can smooth things over by being sweet...or funny....and I'll never-ever have to address any of the problems." Deep thought, eh? Yes, and one that annoyed the piss out of me. Don't get me wrong, had he come to me and actually wanted to wade into the mucky waters of issues of problems, I would've been hard-pressed to say no. Feelings don't die that quickly, and that sort of show of maturity would have gotten me. But, that's just not N. He does not face things. He does not talk. He does not even admit that any feeling not within himself is valid. Things became decidely less friendly this weekend. I don't know if he got upset that his smoothing over was being completely rejected, or if something else happened independent of our nonsense, but on Sunday afternoon, he declared in a very surly manner, that he was not coming back around for a LOOOOOOONG time. He wouldn't say why (shocking for a guy who doesn't talk?) and just kept repeating that it was "personal". Whatever. His melo-drama is just too old for me to give a shit about anymore. So that's that.
****
He finally took the God-box. I was happy to see it go. After trying to convince myself that I could become a fine cable-paying customer for the sake of Little A's Powerpuff Girls for three weeks, I cancelled the cable also. I just cannot pay for T.V. I just don't like it enough. I told her I'd get her Powerpuff girls from Netflix. It's worked out pretty well so far.
****
And lastly, in N-ish news, I've found that reading pages upon pages of feminist literature and theory during a break up is pretty damn good and so right now, I'm loving my thesis, though I suspect that its starting to get away from me. Occasionally I read something that makes me feel like a complete and total cliche, but on the whole, its very cathartic....to read...to be angry....to understand....to be less angry. It's good. I'm glad it's what I'm working on right now.
****
I'm pretty sure that the reason that Little A wasn't too distraught over the N exodus was because she had maybe started to develop a bit of a sibling rivalry feel about him. She seems very obviously happy to not have someone else in the house drawing my attention away from her...and it seems to have been worth the loss of his attention. I can't blame her, but it certainly doesn't bode well for any future dating. Luckily, I'm pretty done with it right now. It's time for a break anyway.
****
And as all things collide at once, Little A also received her first direct initiation into feminism. We were listening to a kids radio show on Saturday night and a president song came on, naming all the presidents up until Clinton and the following conversation ensued:
Little A: Who is Bill Clinton?
Mom: He was president before George Bush (she grimaces...she's already been initiated into that way of thinking). He was a good president. And maybe his wife Hillary will be president someday. Maybe.
Little A: There were no women in the song....why were there no women in the song?
Mom: Because there haven't been any women presidents.
Little A: WHY???
Mom: (Sure...at this point, I could've just said I didn't know and let her piece it all together herself, but I wouldn't have pieced it together when I was that young, so I told her...) Well....see men have most of the power now...like they are presidents and congressmen and all that. And they're afraid that once a woman becomes president she'll be so much better at it than they are, that they'll never get their power back.
Little A: Oh. So maybe a woman will be president soon?
Mom: Maybe. Maybe....
And that's been my life for the past couple of weeks. The excitement over here never ends...I'm tellin' yuh....
Copyright 2005-2006 by Spells With...All rights reserved
Speak to me, 7 already did
7 Comments:
Sometimes a lack of excitement can be a very good thing, no? I'm glad to hear you and A are doing well.
I hope N really DOESNT come around for a long while. You need time to fill the space in your life he used to occupy. You can't do that if he's constantly around to remind you he's gone. LOL! Wow, how's that for confusing.
I'm with you guys. I hope we get a female president in there soon. H. Clinton would be good. Everyone knows she was running the ship anyway.
You skipped biology and took chemistry instead? You won't have any trouble with biology! Really. It's kinda fun - you know a lot of it by immersion and you mostly just learn special words and details. It's pretty cool.
Glad to hear that you're doing better! Have you ever read Blue Jelly by Debra Bull? The subtitle is "Love Lost and the Lessons of Canning." I highly recommend it for this time in a woman's life (post breakup).
Take good care!
Hi, Little A. You should SO dream of being president when you're a bit older. :)
I've been thinking about you. Glad you are hanging in there.
What Chris said about biology -- if you made it through Chem, Bio is a cinch. It's fun and much less math-based than some of the other sciences.
HI V, you are sounding better!! I'm glad. Did you get any sort of TV to replace the godbox or are you using your old 13 incher??
Good luck with the biology class! I've always loved science and nature and having those things combined were wonderful to me. You're a smart lady - I'm sure you'll be fine. And I'm glad to hear you're moving on with your life and not wallowing in sadness and heartbreak. Good for you!
The calm after the storm. Feels good doesn't it?
Post a Comment
<< Home