Wednesday, May 10, 2006

And Day 2....

Well, she took it well. About N. This is generally how the first part of the conversation went:

V: Little A, I have something to tell you...and its sort of sad, and you can say anything you want or ask any questions, or whatever you need to do. Ok?
A: (Looking at me with a worried face beyond her years.)
V: N's moving out.
A: Why?
V: Well, sometimes grown-ups just can't work things out quite right and N and I can't really seem to make things work so that we're both happy.
A: Oh, okay.

And that was it. I, miraculously, held it together. And she was fine.

When I told her the gigantic God box was going with him....well, then she lost it. I believe her words were, "How will I ever get to watch Puffy Ami Yumi???" So, I told her she could ask him that....haha! Its sort of a weird issue of contention. Anyway, I then told her that he was gonna come down to say goodbye in case he didn't see her again for a while and was she ready? She was. He wasn't.

I called him up (he was upstairs at his cousin's) and he came right down. He (unnecessarily...although we thought it would be necessary so I had him practice a little speech for me) gave his little speech. Very similar to mine, but add in..."We can still be buddies," and the like. Little A was still fine. N's voice broke at the very beginning of his speech. And he had to take several deep breaths to get through it. After we all talked for a few minutes, I sent Little A off to get ready for bed. N fell apart. He buried his face in his hands and couldn't/wouldn't speak for several minutes. N crying. I've only seen it once before, and he was drunk off his ass that time. It so rare that it's just heartbreaking. Even if you want to smack him for many things.

This led to another sob-fest for the two of us while Little A sang "Down by the Bay" at the top of her lungs from the bathroom. It was horrible and good all at the same time. I really needed to see him show that emotion. He had shown a little, but he was more playing the strong, huggable man until then. I don't know if I sound horrible saying that it was good to see that, but it was just something I needed. But it was horrible to see him like that. If I could turn off caring for someone that quickly, I would be SO less bipolar right now, but sadly it still hurts to see him hurt that much.

But Little A finished her medley of Down by The Bay and other unidentified kid's songs fairly quickly, so we sucked it up, cleaned it up, and that was that.

There was more to that day, pre-Little A, but I guess maybe I'll go there later.


Blogger Mignon said...

I'm so glad to hear she took it well. And glad to see some emotion by N. That would be just too cold and heartless if he didn't get sad. I'm sorry though that you're still emotionally connected to him - I'd say you're probably feeling worse than bipolar right now. Quad-polar's more like it. Good luck, V.

12:58 PM  
Anonymous TB said...

Kids are so much more resiliant than we give them credit for. I'm glad it went well and there's one less thing for you to have to deal with right now.
Thinking of you.

1:03 PM  
Blogger mama_tulip said...

I'm glad she took it relatively well.

Thinking of you...

6:15 PM  
Blogger Dawn said...

I think sometimes seeing the other person show something - anything at all, helps so much. Not because you want them to be in pain, but because it acknowledges that this is hard...and messy... and that they have feelings too.

And yeah. Kids can absorb things in a way that stuns me.

8:46 PM  
Anonymous roo said...

Ah, shit! This would be the week I haven't been by.

V, I'm so sorry. What a terrible time.

I'm so glad to hear that Little A took it well (as for the TV, well, she's a little kid-- of course she fell in love with the big TV. Probably a good thing to nip in the bud, anyway. And just think-- you won't have that big, unblinking eye shouting at you while you're trying to think.)

And of course it felt good to see N cry over leaving. Why wouldn't it feel good, to know you've touched someone so deeply? And it was probably good for N to actually cry-- let go a little of that male repression and actually feel his feelings.

But oh, V. I'm so sad to read about what you're going through.

I've got your back. Let me know if I can help.

1:37 AM  
Blogger V said...

Hmmm Roo...Can you FIX him?? Make him not be such an impossible prick? Sigh....or make him not be the other extreme EVER....Mr. Wonderful who I can stand to see go? :(

9:07 AM  
Anonymous Nancy said...

Oh, V. I wish I could fix him for you.

8:35 PM  
Anonymous roo said...

Yeah. I'll fix him, all right.


3:57 AM  

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