Friday, April 21, 2006

Blogging absurdity

After beating fur balls to death, confusing the kids, and posting yet another Movie Tuesday that no one guessed (It was Even Cowgirls Get the Blues, btw. Read it, don't watch it), I thought the best way to cap it off would be to tell you about the most absurd item of my past weekend.

While in NY, I always have to visit the wide variety of $1 stores that upstate offers. We don't have much out here in Boston...I guess the rent must be too high or something. So I always get a little excited to see what I can find for my buck. We visited the typical Dollar Tree and some other chain one that I can't remember the name of. I found some good things (i.e. useless kitchen gadgets that I'll probably curse myself for buying when I can't close the drawer), but nothing really spectacular. UNTIL we visited the 99cent Store on Erie Blvd in Syracuse (You're welcome for the advertising...you can pay me my cut in items that don't smell of cheap incense or unidentified animals). Now, I don't know if it was that one more penny discount that could've possibly turned gigantic plastic turkey baisters into pure gold, or what. But, I'm telling you. This place was an absolute treasure trove.

You have to go to the back of the store...the stuff in the front isn't just 99c. Pass through the stifling stink of incense and you will be in the 99c section....and the further back you go, the more strange things become. And on the back wall, I found possibly the most bizarre and confusing item I have ever come across. So, of course, I bought it. (And yes, this purchase seems to have cemented in N's mind that I've finally gone completely off the merri-go-round.)

Ta-da:


That's right! I was able to buy "Close relations between family members" (if you can't actually read it) for just 99c! In that little package that proclaims Shuyaqingfabric workmandup series perfection, I have bought me some serious close relations. And its a good thing too. Sometimes my mom really pisses me off.

But wait, what's this on the other side of the package:


Ahhh....now everything makes sense. "Shuyaqing makes you clean beautiful and more fashionale." That's right kids, not only will you be having close family relations, but you will be clean, beautiful and the most fashionalist kid on the block! Oh, and MADE IN CHINA. Yeah, no shit.

So, what's in this mysterious package?

Still perplexed? Want a closer look at just one of them?

Yeah...our best guess was that they are some kind of stand-alone sleeves. I don't know...like maybe sort of a condom for hugging or something? Any other guesses? They were with aprons and slippers for mopping the floor if that helps any. But I wouldn't really depend on the stores organization....it was unique, to say the least.

But they are truly fashionale, aren't they? And I'm pretty sure they are made from graduation gown material, very comfy and only makes you break out in hives after immediateextended wear!!!


N asked me what I was going to do with them. Duh! Isn't it obvious? I'm going to USE them for amusement. And boy will I be amused when he comes into the bedroom all horned up, and I'm READY for those close relations with my supremely fashionale unidentified treasures!

16 Comments:

Anonymous Nancy said...

Ooh, another place to hit when I'm back in the 'cuse. Gotta get me some of those... things for shuyaqing.

Maybe they're to protect your knees when you're kneeling on the floor? You know, cleaning? (get that mind out of the gutter...)

10:59 AM  
Blogger The Gradual Gardener said...

If they're for close family relations, I think you each have to wear one. You can wear yours on your head, and he can wear his on his...um...head.

11:08 AM  
Blogger SO said...

OMFG!!

I guess I need to pay more attention to the items at the 99 cent store!!! LOL. What a WEIRD item!!!!!!

LMAO!!!

12:08 PM  
Blogger Melissa said...

I don't even know what to say.

Wow.

12:39 PM  
Blogger V said...

Oh come on! You all know you want some! We could create a fashinale craze!

Lol Nancy....they certainly wouldn't fit on MY legs, but the dirty thought IS what counts!

Mmmmm....good theory GG...I wonder if I can get N drunk enough to try it? Now THOSE would be pictures. Pictures worth a LOT of money!

2:17 PM  
Blogger mama_tulip said...

LMAO. It (they?) look like training pants to me.

2:28 PM  
Blogger Tink said...

LMFAO. Oh my God. That is some funny funny stuff. I thought they were little legging things to go over boots? I dunno.

Thank you for the laugh.

2:58 PM  
Blogger Chris said...

*sputters*

Oh yeah, those'll spice up your intimate relations no end... hee hee.

7:27 PM  
Blogger MrsFortune said...

Holy crap, this must be the best 99 cents ever spent in the history of the universe. I am laughing so hard right now you have no idea. I've been having difficulties with family relations lately, who knew all I needed to do was buy some new sleeves/leg warmers/really inefficient coin purses? Oh god ... you need to submit these to engrish.com

9:06 PM  
Anonymous roo said...

I don't know what they're for, but they sure are shiny!

1:19 AM  
Blogger Hill said...

Yu know...I actually sat here for a minute and stared at those things for several minutes.

I am at a loss.

But also very bothered by the "close family relations" thing...((shivers))...gross.

8:31 AM  
Anonymous stella said...

omg. thats great.

they look like satin leg warmers.

with poof.

'family relations' eh? i didn't know you could buy 'relations'..but that RAWKS!!!

3:49 PM  
Blogger Mignon said...

Me me me!!! I know what they are!
My mom sent me a pair from China last year and I immediately thought they had something to do with feminine hygiene. Why? I have no idea. I just know that feminine hygiene in third world countries mystifies me and when I see something I don't understand I think "OH! Chinese maxi pads!"

Okay, I digress... they are arm protectors for little kids. Because little kids only get one or two nice jackets, Asian countries cover the little ones' arms with these sleeves to save wear and tear on their jackets. Ta da. My mom sent me a couple and we put them on the dog and he chewed them off before we could get good pictures.

5:50 PM  
Blogger Judi Newall said...

For covering your lower arms when doing dishes, then sleeves (especially loose, flowing ones) don't get wet. I have NO idea where I learnt this though but I have seen them before. Example - http://www.damart.co.uk/pair-sleeve-protectors-apron-p-I6012.html

1:38 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey, I just got me some close relations between family members at the crazy Chinese grocery, and I asked my friend (on business in Taiwan) what this Chinglish item is. He sent me your link for enlightenment. I paid DOUBLE for mine, goddammit all! HAHAHAHAHA For once in this lifetime CT is more expensive than NY!
-"The Permanent Possesses Jonly belong to you."

9:44 PM  
Blogger Penny Gyokeres said...

I just got a pair of these beauties as a gag Xmas gift. Floored me and I'm still searching for their use...

7:05 PM  

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