Friday, April 07, 2006

Just suppose.....

Some ass hole you broke up with a couple of years ago, all of the sudden starts calling you again out of the blue. Let's suppose you're conveniently out of the house when all those phone calls arrive, but come home and see them on the caller I.D. Let's also suppose that the sight of said phone number and name nearly makes you vomit. After spending no less then 6 months trying to extricate this moron from your life, and spending the last 2 years or so in blissful ass-less land, you answer your work phone only to hear:

M: (thinking he's using his most sexy voice) Hi. Is this V?
V: Yeah....? (Feels the bile rising in her throat)
M: It's M. How have you been?
V: (Must. Vomit.) Fine.
M: Do you have a few minutes?
V: No, I'm just running out for lunch. (Lie....SUCH a bad liar....but in this case it is REALLY a-ok if he realizes I'm lying.....just. to. get. away.)
M: Well, I have something I really need to talk to you about.
V: Well...I really can't talk....I'm just running out. Bye. (Click and vomit doing a nice little dance.)

I'm seriously wanting to barf. Hurl. Spew. Blow chunks. Dry heave. Anything that will purge this most unwelcome event from my life.

When I saw the numbers on my home caller I.D., I had the brief thought that I would send an email saying "Don't call me. Ever." But this guy is a salesman in every way, and I knew that by opening up that tiniest line of communication (I know...its a stretch to think that's a line of communication....but SIX MONTHS trying to get him away....I know this would be seen as communication) would be the ultimate downfall.

I need some exit strategies. Just hanging up has never worked. I'll have to think on these while I go wash that acidic taste out of my mouth. Suggestions are welcome. Just remember: subtle doesn't work. Even out-right direct hasn't worked, including phrases such as "We do not ever need to talk," "Leave me alone," and the ever-popular "Stay the hell out of my life."

11 Comments:

Blogger mama_tulip said...

Block his number from your line?

Good luck.

2:46 PM  
Blogger Chris said...

Restraining order???

Or just hang up on him without saying anything?

I have one of those in my not-distant-enough past, too. He'll suddenly drop me an email after months of blissful peace. The only thing to do is not reply at all - he's a lawyer, so he's good at worming into tiny little communication openings...

3:31 PM  
Blogger MrsFortune said...

A cyanide filled envelope? Um ... just don't pick up the phone? Change your number to an unlisted one? Answer the phone and tell him you love him and want to have his babies and come move in with you NOW? That scares most guys away ... :-)

6:44 PM  
Blogger Dawn said...

I don't suppose having N answer the phone would help?

Sometimes a little man-on-man conversation goes a long way.

6:59 PM  
Anonymous roo said...

What the hell?

I'll have to second Dawn on this one-- sic N on him.

1:23 AM  
Blogger Brooke said...

Changing your number would be a pain in the ass, I'm sure. I go for the man talk as well.

I'm sorry you're going through this.

1:04 AM  
Anonymous Nancy said...

Maybe it's too late, but I like the idea of having N talk to him. Have N ask him what he's so eager to talk to you about. That should send him packing forever.

8:50 PM  
Blogger SO said...

EWE!! M called you?? WTF???

Just tell him the truth, you have a big hunky tough man living with you now and if he see's an ex-boyfriend has been calling you, he will hunt him down and beat the crap out of him!!! Along with the fact that you have moved on and have no desire to speak with him. Do this through e-mail and tell him you are also blocking his e-mail from your account so he doesn't need to bother to reply!!

GOOD LUCK!!

9:58 AM  
Anonymous jen said...

I am late on this but has he tried to contact you since?

11:02 AM  
Anonymous jen said...

you don't think he would be trying to tell you something um, medically about himself. Like in a "I'm supposed to contact all exes"-medically? or is he just that manipulative that he would say "we need to talk about something".

I have had exes contact me when I left the state - I cannot tell you how I know what you mean. this ex got my new cell # from a friend (who since apoligized but felt weird telling him no since her address book was right there)leaving a message that "it's not like he's trin gto kill me-- he just (and I DOUBLE quote) promised MY MOM he'd always look after me."


Yeah, Bile city.

11:06 AM  
Blogger V said...

No, luckily no more phone calls. Odd and nice that he may have taken the hint.

It's unlikely he would be calling about anything important...I've had all the "tests" so I know everything is a-ok on my end. He had an outburst like that last spring too. It was a "breakthrough" that he just HAD to share with me.

Ewwwww! Look after you? Ick...I hate guys who say crap like that! Way to reaffirm the end of that relationship buddy!

12:16 PM  

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