Thursday, April 20, 2006

As if you're not sick of Easter posts...

I finally brought my camera, so here it is.

Easter is a weird holiday for me. I'd love to ignore it, completely. But then there's Little A.

As a kid I was always dragged out of bed at 4AM, dressed like I was a freakishly young bride, and driven off with the family to my dad's church 45 minutes away. Easter took FOREVER. First there was the sunrise service, in the frost bitten smite of make-believe hellish "spring" of NY dewey morning light. Then pancakes at the church. with. church people. (And if you're wondering, it's not christians or Jesus I have a problem with ~generally~ it's the church people. Sue me...I'm a preacher's kid.) Then choir or Sunday School, more church....Lengthened by extra special Easter just went on and on and on and on.

My mom would give us small Easter baskets filled mostly with candy that I would polish off before the end of the day and Easter grass that would be coming out of my cat's pooper before the end of week. And that was it. I never got it, much like most of my days at church as a young'n.

It seemed spooky to me. He's a ghost now? What? I thought you always told us that ghosts were nonsense, Mom? And the ghostly image of someone killed so brutally just did nothing but creep me out. Oh, and there's the other part...the rampant display of crucifixes during Easter. I hate them. They remind me of hate and brutality, not kindness and compassion that the dude was trying to spread around.

So what do I do for Easter? Well, we color eggs. Because who doesn't like the opportunity to paint their food?

We usually have an Easter egg hunt:

And usually the Easter egg hunt somehow leads the kids to the big Easter basket. No, the Easter bunny is not involved. I have no use for that mythical creature either. This year JMom and I stuffed the eggs with candy, a non-edible treat, a puzzle piece and a "clue". These were the some of the clues:

1. From where you stand, slide 3 steps to your left and raise 2 finger on your hand.

2. The blue moon moons the mongoose.

3. What's your lucky number? Add 26. Subtract 3. Divide by 8.

4. The purple herring will soon be pickled.

5. Turn around 5 times, hop 10 times, blink twice. What do you see?

6. Who farted?

7. Let my out of this smelly egg!

8. Take 1/2 cup of water. Mix in one drop of spit. Stir in 2 grains of rice and 6 blades of grass.

So, did you guys get them? Riiiiight. They were bullshit clues that kept the kids confused for a good half an hour. (I'd love to post those confused faces pictures, but I'm not sure JMom would like me posting pictures of her kids....) You see, since Easter confused me, I'm carrying on the tradition of confusion. After a while, we suggested that they THINK REALLY HARD about the clues while trying to put the puzzle together. On the puzzle we had written the location of the big basket. After they got it, they still came back to try to figure out how the clues would have led them to the basement, in front of the dryer. Muua-haa-haa!

So that was my Easter. Oh, there were less thrilling parts (can you imagine?), but those are the highlights....I know...I'm like a rockstar, aren't I?


Blogger Chris said...

I liked TB wishing us all Happy Zombie Jesus Day...

Gorgeous eggs!

11:07 AM  
Blogger The Knit Wit said...

Those clues are great! I love the creativity!

12:33 PM  
Blogger Tink said...

"They were bullshit clues that kept the kids confused for a good half an hour." *SNORT*

I love you.

Those are great... and just a little wicked. ;)

1:28 PM  
Anonymous Nancy said...

I love your eggs. So pretty.

And the clues cracked me up. I am glad they were designed to be confusing, because at first I thought I was just an idiot. ;-)

2:54 PM  
Blogger The Gradual Gardener said...

I LOVE the clues! What a great idea!

3:38 PM  
Blogger Lisa said...

This post was SO funny. I love the confuse the crap out of the kids. I think you should make that an Easter tradition. And then your daughter can tell her kids (fondly) about how you used to totally mess with her mind every Easter.

And I agree. The cross reminds me of hate and anger...

5:09 PM  
Blogger SO said...

ha ha, I needed an early morning laugh!! Yeah, the fake grass comes out of my cats pooper too, wtf?? It's plastic!!

Did JMom get new floors? Is that pic of Aja taken at her house? It looks good!! Or I just didn't notice them the one time I was there! lol.

We gave K real clues to the big 'prize', but she had to keep going outside and coming back in several times, I think she was getting annoyed, especially since it's quite chilly at 6:30 am!!! Oh well, that's her punishment for waking up so early on a Sunday!!

8:28 AM  

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