I trashed it
Today, I officially trashed a Master's Thesis that has been (theoretically) in the works for over a year and a half. In reality, its been on the shelf for several months. Molding and revealing its true lifeless self. It's a piece of crap. A BIG FLOATING IN THE POOL SERIOUS PIECE OF CRAP.
So today, I finally trashed it. I emailed my advisor, told her about my dumpster bound mountain of crap and pitched my new idea. And she was perfectly understanding and accepting (as she always is). So right now, I feel:
released, from the smell of rotting project and the weight of turning it into something good
stupid, for waiting so long and trying to convince it to be something it wasn't
invigorated, to start something new
tired, from thinking of starting ALL over
relieved, that I don't have to think about that one anymore
overwhelmed, thinking about the work ahead
worried, that I need to finish this one before it starts molding as well
optimistic, that I might actually finish this one
and generally pretty good (despite all those up there to make you think otherwise) about the whole silly thing.
If only it was a knitting project. Sigh.....
If only I had some bright idea of a way to combine knitting with mediation. Yuh know...in an academically acceptable way. But what I have should be good. I'll be buried in paper instead on yarn, but it should be all good.
(And yeah...uh...don't worry, I won't stop knitting. The Olympics are coming up for God's sake!)
So today, I finally trashed it. I emailed my advisor, told her about my dumpster bound mountain of crap and pitched my new idea. And she was perfectly understanding and accepting (as she always is). So right now, I feel:
released, from the smell of rotting project and the weight of turning it into something good
stupid, for waiting so long and trying to convince it to be something it wasn't
invigorated, to start something new
tired, from thinking of starting ALL over
relieved, that I don't have to think about that one anymore
overwhelmed, thinking about the work ahead
worried, that I need to finish this one before it starts molding as well
optimistic, that I might actually finish this one
and generally pretty good (despite all those up there to make you think otherwise) about the whole silly thing.
If only it was a knitting project. Sigh.....
If only I had some bright idea of a way to combine knitting with mediation. Yuh know...in an academically acceptable way. But what I have should be good. I'll be buried in paper instead on yarn, but it should be all good.
(And yeah...uh...don't worry, I won't stop knitting. The Olympics are coming up for God's sake!)
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10 Comments:
I think you did a very brave thing that so many people should do, but can't with regard to things in their lives like marriage, friendship, jobs, you name it.
Good for you V and best of luck with the new thesis.
You go girl! Reinvent yourself. It'll be 1000% better than the last. :)
Sometimes starting over is the best approach. Good luck. :-)
They say (about writing) that sometimes you have to murder your darlings. Good luck with the new project! May it flourish.
It's an iterative process. The work you've done already will make this project stronger, even though you're tossing it. You've warmed up your academic muscles, and thought about what it is that you really want to say.
Congratulations! Your thesis is gonna rock.
I was just thinking along the same lines as roo. You've warmed yourself up now...the best is yet to come.
Recognizing that it was crap and being willing to toss it rather than settle for it is brilliant.
And good ideas don't get moldy, they get better. Despite being further behind than you want to be, give yourself time to fully develop the NEXT BIG THING.
Are you noticing a pattern lately? You seem ready to make the next leap forward.- Life, relationships...
Letting go of anything is the closure you need so you can start something fresh.
The next thesis will come so easy you will be shocked!!!
Thanks everyone!
You're support really means so much. I feel pretty good about it, but every once in a while a stupid little voice in the way back of my head is still yelling "quitter!" And you guys are helping me to drown it out (without jugs of alcohol) and just get it going.
That is brave...
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