Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Picture Day: Guilty or Not Guilty?

You be the judge.

Prosecution: The defendant has given away a perfectly viable Christmas gift TWO months before Christmas. The defendant maintains that her obsessive knitting of the past 2 months is due to the "endless Christmas presents" that she must complete, and yet HERE, we see that this obsessive nature has nothing to do with Christmas. And that Christmas, is in fact being used as a paltry excuse to spend countless hours knitting and purchasing more yarn.
Defense: I FINISHED something. Get it? I FINISHED them. Besides, don't those hands look sexy in them? I had to give them to N. I HAD to. For the grand purpose of furthering N's acceptance of both the knitting and the yarn. He had to receive a gift. And besides, I swore to myself that I would give him these on the first day that snow was predicted (not Christmas) and I hit it right on the money. So there.


Prosecution: The prosecution contends that this sock is not for JDad, and that he has once again been robbed of an intended gift.
Defense: Uh, guilty. It's for my dad now. Too big for JDad. He'll have the best socks ever once I perfect my stitching.


Prosecution: What are these? Where did the defendant even get this yarn? Or when did she make them. The prosecution has never seen this evidence before and therefore moves that it will be dismissed.

Defense: Dismiss this buddy: I finished JMom's birthday gift TWENTY days before her birthday. TWENTY. Count them. This has got to be a first! I told her to not get used to it.


Prosecution: The prosecution would like to point out that this is a picture of the SAME socks that we moved to dismiss.

Defense: The defense would like to point out that those stitches don't cross. They're perfect little slutty spread leg stitches.


Prosecution: This, possibly above all, proves the defendant's obsessive behavior and questionable sanity. Though the defendant may not wish to admit it, all of these containers are filled with yarn. All of them.

Defense: Thank god that camera didn't get into the rest of the apartment. I mean, um....but look how organized and happy it all is. Ready and waiting for beautiful new projects to come.


Prosecution: Did you hear what the defendant just said? New projects? Perhaps the defendant has forgotten about this one?? Perhaps the defendant has selectively forgotten that this one has been in progress for a year and a half. Perhaps the defendant has forgotten that she promised herself this blanket would be done for Little A's SIXTH birthday, the following Christmas, then Little A's SEVENTH birthday, and now the on-coming Christmas again. Perhaps the defendant has forgotten all of this.

Defense: Perhaps the defendant has forgotten all of that. I like that theory. Lalalalalalalalalalalala......


Prosecution: And what do we have here? Another new project? And not even a project that the defendant can use in her "Christmas" defense....because the prosecution, has learned that the defendant plans to keep this new project, for herself!

Defense: Well, you see....I had to. It wasn't a choice. It was self-defense! Yeah, that's it. Self-defense. Since M told me that I knit wrong, I had to pay attention to my knitting, and ummm, so I thought if I made a pretty lace scarf that I had to pay attention to, it just wouldn't seem all that bad....see? It was self defense!!!!?


Prosecution: The defendant's child is clearly in on all of the defendants obsessive, insane behavior as she is clearly trying to distract all eyes with unbelievable cuteness.

Defense: You're just jealous. I mean, I plead for leniency and move that she only be fined 1 piece of Halloween candy, and preferably, the Smarties.


Blogger SO said...

OMG, I'm cracking up so hard!!!

I can't believe how much older little A looks since the last time I saw her in person!! So grown up.

And who has on blue nail polish and then red nail polish? Is this your hand in both pics?

8:51 AM  
Blogger V said...

Lol....Little A's are red and M's daughter's were blue! She did her make-up the first time there...for Halloween fun night. :) So she was showing it off.
Little A was a riot on Halloween. She was perfect...fluttering around the neighborhood like a real little fairy.

8:54 AM  
Blogger Melanie said...

omg V! that was friggin hysterical! i love it! and i loooove the pictures! awesome job girl!!!!

i agree with SO, little A got so biiiig! i cant stand it! :( so cute :)

11:22 AM  
Anonymous roo said...

Little A is looking more and more like you, V! Pretty girl...

I love the lacy scarf. And I want to store things on your shelves.

11:17 PM  
Blogger BC said...

HAHAHA V! This is one of the funniest things I've ever read! I love seeing all of your projects and can't wait till you can add a baby blanket for ME to the list! lol

Thanks for the great reading!

1:04 PM  
Anonymous roo said...

Well, hello, r-r-Roberto!

Is that r-r-real Cor-r-rinthian leather?

But of course...

3:10 PM  
Anonymous love spells and chants said...

Hi V,

Stumbled across your blog when doing research on love spells. Read a few posts, so thought I'd say hi. Thanks for the read! :)

Me. -- !These love and money spells got my love back!

7:58 PM  
Blogger V said...

Thanks! And it WAS nice of all of you to not declare me guilty (at least out loud!) :)

7:45 AM  

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