Wednesday, November 15, 2006

The return of the lunches

I finally got my camera act back together. Though Little A had no lunch today, I have a breakfast and a lunch for you.

Breakfast is a mini spinach/ricotta pie, a mini mushroom/ricotta pie, a corn muffin, grapes, a ginger candy, a clementine and cashews.

Lunch is veggie "beef" stew (the beef is ala Morningstar Farms), a little salad of cucumbers, tomatoes and scallions, a corn muffin and some spicy nuts from the indian grocer we visited this weekend. Oh and a caramel for dessert. Who could forget dessert?

I suppose I should've thrown some parsley or something on top of that stew to make it look more appealing, but I'm not really that good with details. And its so very yummy, I forgot until I just looked at the picture that it might not look at delicious to some people. Trust me!

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In other news, the long awaited update about the Little A/Dad situation. I had originally posted about this way back here, and am still so grateful for all of your thoughtful comments. They really helped me in my whole thought process.

I've decided (yes, actively decided, though I know it may look like I'm just procrastinating) to let things be as they are right now. She's been a little less distant with him lately and though I still would prefer that he show her that he values her and their time together a little more, I really can't see it as a reason to cut off their time all together.

He sucks, but he's her dad, and he's certainly not the worst dad around. I feel like if I swooped in there to protect her feelings everytime he does something less than stellar, it really wouldn't serve her well in the end. She's going to have to learn to deal with idiocy and shitty behavior, so I'd rather have her know that I'm there for her, to help...to talk, but that I can't fix all of her problems.

When I first moved out, I was adamant that he take an active role as a father and much to his dismay, I enforced a schedule which required him to see her. I really didn't want our issues to harm her as much as they often can. He's gone back and forth, being better and worse. The worse being reminiscent of the previous post about him and now a bit better. He recently had a break-up with a girlfriend, so it seems like his focus is turned slightly more toward Little A again.

Generally he is a self-pitying losah who thinks that his soul will be endlessly tortured because he has to WORK. And anything on top of that? Please. Don't even get me started. Somehow Little A ends up being in that category for him that is "on top of work"..."oh tragic sigh...oh how will I ever survive....you don't understand how busy I am"....

Sometimes I think she senses this lovely outlook of his (which is what precipitated this whole question on my part), but I think, as she grows, she'll begin to understand that that is just how he is, and she'll learn to deal with him, in her own way.

And that's really the big benefit to family, isn't it? Having to love people (or at least deal with people) that you really don't like? It's a good lesson and I wouldn't want to over-protect her out of that lesson.

She knows that I am always there for her and she can even call me whenever she wants when she is at his house, and she seems to be doing ok with that set up. And we do talk, a lot. Though I try to not shit-talk him, when she's having a problem with him, I also refuse to make excuses for him. Even though I think its a good idea for her to have to learn to deal with him, I will never let her think that it's okay for anyone to treat her less than the wonderful she deserves. Teaching her to be understanding is one thing, but teaching her that its ok for someone to treat her like she's unimportant because they are tired or busy or some other cop-out is never going to happen in our house.

7 Comments:

Blogger Chris said...

Dang, you always come up with the best food!

I wish that at least one of my parents had been as thoughtful and clear-headed after their divorce as it sounds like you are. Little A is lucky!

9:23 AM  
Blogger Heide said...

I'll check out the baking department at my grocery store (it has lots of housewares) for the silicone liners. I've never seen them before. I am most definately in the Mama-E sock club for Fall and I was for project spectrum too. I didn't sign up for Winter though because I couldn't afford it and I do have lots of yarn to use up. Erin does a great job with her colors.

The sperm donor sounds like he never grew up. He hasn't earned the title of "Dad" or even "Father." Until he learns to put Little A's needs above his own then his visits with her should be viewed as playdates. Making the decision to cut him out completely would enforce his idea of self-martyrdom and it could even glamorize (is that even a word?) him to Little A, especially if she's ever unhappy with being told "No" by mom. Sorry about the ramblings. To sum it up, I think you are making all of the right decisions and I wish you the best of luck.

10:11 AM  
Blogger Mitzi Green said...

i've got 5 bucks that says my sperm donor is a bigger a-hole than your sperm donor. in a perfect world, we could split up and know the other party was going to be a big enough person to take the "bygones" road and be a normal, rational, logical parent to their kid(s). suffice to say, it ain't a perfect world. i think you're doing the right thing. as long as he's not being outright abusive to her, and you're not forcing her one way or the other, i see no reason not to put the ball in his court--and eventually, hers--as to what kind of relationship they have.

11:52 AM  
Blogger SO said...

Food looks yummy as usual!!!!

I think you are doing the right thing by Aja. You thought it out carefully! Good job! :-)

11:38 AM  
Blogger SO said...

Food looks yummy as usual!!!!

I think you are doing the right thing by Aja. You thought it out carefully! Good job! :-)

11:38 AM  
Blogger SO said...

oooops, sorry, double posted. I'm impatient, what can i say?

11:39 AM  
Anonymous lisa said...

Good for you! And I think that you're right it'll all be the best for A... Like I said before, I think it is at least good to KNOW who your father is, whether or not he qualifies as dad. And, yes, oh so important, is for her to always know her self worth. It'll help her from becoming one of the one in three statistics. Here's something my mom told me when I was about her age. Everybody drops their drawers to take a poop. For some reason, I always picture Ronald Reagan on the john when I think of that, but who was president in 1969? I guess it was the early years of tricky dicky (ewww....). You know, the idea that nobody is more important than anybody else, which means you are as important as anybody, president, king, whatever.

Glad you liked the bread...I can never remember how many "c"'s are in that!

AND AND AND...the little knits package came today!!!! I'm about to post about it, but got a call from the library that an audio book we requested is here...they close at 8, we leave early tomorrow am for PA...so I'm off for "Eldest", the second in the Eragon trilogy. Good car ride listening. THANKS for the gift certificate!!!!!!!

7:45 PM  

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