Friday, September 08, 2006

This week in history.

My history, that is. Tomorrow is my one year blogiversary. Friday, September 9, 2005 was my very first, very brief, quite unsure bloggy post. At that time, I was also broken up with N. I was convinced that I would finish my thesis before the year was done. I was, even then, a serious yarn hoarder and was embarking on knitting every single one of my christmas gifts.

It amazing how things stay the same from year to year. But there are some changes.

Little A started 3rd grade this week. Unlike last year, she spent the morning before her first day of school chattering a mile a minute about her crush. Though she won't admit such a label, the amount of talk about this boy betrays her everytime. It's a bit of an uncomfortable age for it, and I feel I'm only saved by the lack of bussing to the school. School busses scare me.

And of course, it freeks me out even more to know that at EIGHT, she is quickly approaching the age of "talks" about boys. My mom never gave me these talks, so I'm not really sure how they go, but I guess I'll have to figure it out pretty soon. I'd really like the talks to go like this:

Mom: Don't let any boy or man touch you until you are 18. Alert me if one tries. I have remedies. (Mua-ha-ha-ha)
Little A: Don't worry mom, I bolted the lock on my chastity belt this morning. Here's the key.

I'm just constantly appalled by the robbing of innocence SO early anymore. Not to go all "back in my day sonny" on yo asses, but hey! Back in my day, while I was walking to school up hill, both ways, even if my mom DID worry about anything like this (which I'm sure she kept herself so firmly in denial that she n-e-v-e-r had any inkling), she really would've only had to worry about little stolen kisses for at least 4-5 more years. Yuh know...until I ACTUALLY hit puberty. But apparently now, having a daughter on the verge of nine years old is enough to induce panic.

I was 15 when I lost my virginity, and even now, I look back on it and think that was way too young...for me...for my level of maturity at the time, even though I think that's a pretty average age for girls of my generation. Maybe I feel it was young because I felt pressured into it, which I imagine about 90% of girls are. And now I sit here and wonder about Little A. I know *good* kids who are sexually active by 12 years old. Not deliquent kids from neglectful, dead-beat homes. Good, straight-A, polite, going-somewhere kids.

And the thing is, I don't really care what age she is, as long as she's ready for it, not pressured into, and she's safe. She's could be 33 15 too, but I fear she will be much younger and I just can't imagine how she could be ready for that.


Blogger Mignon said...

Really? You really think she'll be much younger than 15 when she's sexually active? I think, despite any appearances, younger than 15 is too young. Is that an unpopular thing to say? I have no idea. I just know that 'intimacy with a loved' one is irrelevant when kids are in the midst of puberty. At that point it's purely hormonal and potentially damaging to developing psyches of kids who are still emotional babies.

I remember being totally boy crazy, but being able to recognize that I was not ready for that level of intimacy. And I credit my mom for that awareness. This alone makes me feel like I (and you) can prepare our children just as well.

3:57 PM  
Anonymous Isobel said...

Your last paragraph is the key. As long as you keep open communication with her and teach her how to respect herself and make decisions that she feels comfortable with, she'll make the right choice at the right age for her.
Those sorts of conversations can start whenever she needs them - they're about feelings rather than the nitty gritty of the fact sof life.

9:24 AM  
Anonymous mamatulip said...

I lost my virginity at 15 too. I've done a lot of stupid things in my life but none of them I really regret -- what's the point of regretting? You can't change it, right? I regret losing my virginity at 15. Way. Too. Young.

I think about this a lot, because Julia is 3 going on 13 and sometimes I have to remind myself that even though she may sound like she's 9, she's THREE. Your last paragraph is what I tell myself too. Bang-on.

11:00 AM  
Anonymous TB said...

I'm with Mignon and I really truly believe that if you start the talks early enough, just telling her what she is ready to hear, and then keep up with it over the years she will be armed with everything she needs to make the right decisions.
Don't give up and let her know how you feel about age appropriate behavior when the time comes. I can't imagine how difficult it is to raise a girl these days, who knows though, I may be finding out soon.

11:17 AM  
Blogger Chris said...


I know what you mean, and I don't think it's just us getting older - the loss of innocence boggles my mind. Kids so young know SO MUCH MORE than we did at the same age. Yowza.

But I think if you just keep on talking to her and being straight with her, things will be ok. You sound like you have a good relationship with her!

5:33 PM  
Blogger Dawn said...

Remember - learn to keep the still face - as I did today when asked what the clitoris was "used for".

You're doing a fine job.

8:39 PM  
Anonymous Nancy said...

Happy Blogiversary!

The thought of raising two girls into and through teenagerhood is terrifying. (Is that a term? If not it should be... sounds like the dangerous neighborhood that teenagers certainly seem to reside in...)

Anyway, it sounds like you are a conscientious and loving mom, which is just what your daughter needs. She will do well with you to talk to.

2:59 PM  

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