Friday, March 24, 2006

2nd grade militants

Last night, Little A had an open house thing at her school. They have approximately 143 of these each year and always stealthily combine it with a PTO meeting. After much negotiation with Little A, we decided that we would go, but that we would be late, so that mommy would not have to spend a half an hour trying to control her eyeballs from rolling around in her head from all the self congratulation that goes on at these "meetings". (I'm telling yuh, throw in a red carpet and it would be the god damn Oscars.)

We arrived with perfect timing. The "meeting" had just adjourned and we were able to meld into the throng of parents heading up the stairs to go to the classrooms. Little A was all a flutter and bounced down the hall so quickly that I nearly lost her and almost walked into the kindergarten room (I'm really nominating myself for mom of the year in this one, aren't I?).

We finally reached the 2nd grade room and said a quick hi to Little A's best friend's mom. When I turned around to take in the room, there was the principal, waiting.

As usual she said, "Hi Little A's mom!" It became clear to me around the middle of last year that this woman will never know my name, so I'd just better be thankful that she knows my kid's name and yet is STILL happy (presumably) to see me. "There's a table from the young republicans Girl Scouts in the Cafeteria," she says.

"Oh..." Mustering the best fake smile that I have.

"I'd love to get a group going here at the school, so maybe you can stop down and take a look at it?"

"Uh, yeah. We'll stop by on our way out." Lying to the principal felt vaguely familiar and easy, like an old alternateen flannel. And with that I escaped.

But here, now, I would like to say exactly what I was thinking (what else are blogs for?) before my escape was so well-executed.

Why the fuck would I give a shit that the young republicans Girl Scouts have a god damn table in the cafeteria? WHY? Do you think I really want to spend time and money that I don't have on an organization that wants to teach my kid to be a god damned 50's housewife? Do you think my kid, who already is loaded down with 1-2 hours of homework EVERY night from your god damn school that can't get shit done during the day, needs to be subjected to more senseless meetings? And do you honestly think that I have never heard of the young republicans Girl Scouts and that if I had a true interest in being a part of it, I would've maybe already done so? And do you think that my previous experience with the young republicansGirls Scouts really makes me have a lot of faith in their basic abilities to keep my child safe for like an hour. Do you remember? When Little A went to a young republicans Girl Scouts camp and I later received the registration form back through the P.O., meaning that it was never received and that the young republicansGirl Scout bus was just picking up any old random girl at the bus stop. Does it REALLY seem like I give a shit about the young republicansGirl Scout table in the cafeteria?

I've been a little.....moody.....this week. I actually could care less about the Girl Scouts. The cookies....well yes. Those were clearly sent by Satan. But the Girl Scouts themselves....eh....don't bother me, I won't bother you. And actually if Little A wanted to, I'd let her try it out and pray every night that she saw the light just so it wouldn't become that thing that I wouldn't let her do. I'd rather have her resent me over something a little more meaningful that the young republicans Girl Scouts when the resentment rolls in.

14 Comments:

Blogger Chris said...

It was a good and entertaining rant. Yay for you!!!

11:39 AM  
Blogger Melissa said...

Damn those Thin Mints and Samoas. Damn them back to hell from whence they came! (Oh, I said it. And I'll say it again. "Whence.")

12:33 PM  
Blogger Tink said...

I've got a Mint Chocolate cookie recipe that ends up tasting JUST LIKE the Thin Mints. Screw the GS. :)

1:16 PM  
Blogger mama_tulip said...

How do you *really* feel about Girl Scouts? ;)

2:39 PM  
Blogger SO said...

Ugh, the Girl Scouts. You are better than I am, IF K wanted to join, I wouldn't allow it. I went for a year, and I know what they really can get away with at camp!! And...well...I just agree with everything you said. Except the cookies, I don't like any of the cookies! The thin mints are the only ones I care for, but I like cookies that taste like homemade, and those certainly do not!!

4:52 PM  
Blogger Dawn said...

The cookies, of which I consumed a box last night, are indeed the tools of Mephistophles, Prince of Darkness.

And yeah, I shied away from the Girl Scouts. those women were too damn blonde. And thin. I could break them both with one thigh. Begotten from eating their cookies.

Why isn't there a club for girls whose mothers totter on the brink of insanity. That would be a club I would send Emily to - A learn to mix a drink, roll a joint, and shoot sarcasm into your language at every opportunity club. Oh wait, that seems to have been my childhood.

6:18 PM  
Anonymous Nancy said...

I think it's funny (but not surprising) that the principal who can't bother to remember your name is so gung-ho on getting you interested in Girl Scouts for Little A. Kind of reminds me of the moody principal at the girls' day care who only speaks to me when she needs something, since I've sometimes helped with parent volunteer events for the school. Now I try to ignore her as much as possibe.

Hope you are having a better day today.

8:54 AM  
Anonymous mel said...

lol V!!!!! My little K was a girl scout for ONE year. and i put a very abrupt end to that! im not seriously against it, but good grief...it was stupid event after stupid event. she did NOT have the time for that (just as you pointed out with the endless homework!)
Seriously! every meeting she'd come home with NO LESS than two or three permission slips to go somewhere or do something. its great to get involved in the world..but goodness!!!!!

4:57 PM  
Blogger Brooke said...

I LOVE IT! You tell 'em sister...EXCELLENT rant!

8:09 PM  
Blogger Iamadesigner said...

Nice ranting! I think I'd feel a lot better sometimes if I were able to let out some anger.

9:56 PM  
Blogger Betty. said...

Hi... I'm writing on behalf of Lissa., we thought you should see this for multiple reasons. Shit, I'm so not explaining myself well... check it out, you'll understand.

11:57 PM  
Blogger Mignon said...

Betty, I don't know you or Lissa, but I read the post you wrote on her behalf and I am so hopeful for you two. I will be thinking of you both, and thinking good thoughts for you.

V - I hate organized children's clubs. Boy Scouts are evil, and don't even have anything to show for their sanctimonious-ness. No cookies. Nothin. When I see the little right-wing robatrons in their brown and blue uniforms I give them the finger in my mind. (Okay, I know they do things like build stuff for orphaned animals, but their still a bunch of homophobes!)

4:28 PM  
Anonymous V-Grrrl said...

Both my son and daughter are in Scouts. Because I'm not fully suportive of it, my husband, who likes scouting, does all the work--he volunteers, tracks what the kids are supposed to be doing and even sews the badges on their clothes. I don't have particular issues with the philosophy, it's the bureauracracy that kills me. Paperwork and stupid requirements and this freakin elaborate chain of command. The Boy Scouts totally weird melding of military and Native American traditions is freaky. I'm always smirking during the "rituals" which are just too goofy for me.

5:50 AM  
Anonymous infojunkie said...

The Girl Scouts are not the Boy Scouts! I still love (what used to be called) Samoas and Taglongs! I went to Girl Scout camps for weeks every summer in my early teens. I learned how to ride horses, and I met some very inspiring older girls. A bunch of them were lesbians.

1:18 AM  

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