Monday, September 19, 2005

The 12th time

So, apparently a run-in in the doorway with N means that the talks must begin again. We're playing the friend game, which is always awkward with him, but after a year and a half, when face to face, I can't be brutal with him and have to be at least kind enough to accept and give back friendship.. I can be honest, and sometimes brutally, but not brutal for the sake of exorcising him completely out of my life.
He said, during our long talk that took place WAY too early on Sunday morning, "I never told anyone I was doing this, but I always knew, some how, that you would ask for your key back 12 times, and I kept count. And this was the 12th time." It was one of the strangest statements he pulled out of his arse that morning, but if anything makes me think that he knows, deep-down, its that.
12 times? I was not keeping track, and hearing that number, and knowing that I had been thru various bullshit with him that many times made me feel like anyone and everyone should know we had beaten this dead horse to a pulp. It also made me feel like a temperamental spaz. God damn, I HATE the key "issue" and I just cannot believe its been a whole carton of eggs worth of key issues.
We decided to have coffee tonight, and tonight was the night. And sometimes I hate that familiarity that comes with knowing someone to the core for a while. It was so easy, and we talked for 3 good hours, came home and talked for another hour on the phone. And I hate that its more difficult to be distant than to just talk, like old long lost friends. I suppose I should like it, knowing that I haven't completely lost such a large part of my life, but I know how hard it is to detach anyway, and it would be much easier to accept that we are done if we weren't so easy and comfortable with each other.
I casually mentioned talking to RS (the neighbor), just so he wouldn't see and be shocked, and I could see the flare of jealousy in his eyes. But I haven't talked to him really since that day, just a couple of friendly waves....but that flare of jealousy always makes me feel like I'm playing with fire.

In knitting news, I've got the pockets and the zipper left to JMom's hoodie, and hopefully I'll get a picture of it up before the end of the week. I also started a little dog for my niece out of $1 Target Boucle and it is turning out great. So soft and cuddly! It's quick, so doggie might be sporting the hoodie soon!

4 Comments:

Blogger SO said...

Wow! 12 times you asked for your keys back? Well that should tell him something!!!

8:59 AM  
Anonymous roo said...

Hi V!

For a while, I was getting "You are Forbidden on this Server" messages when I tried to visit. I was sad. Glad to make it back!

What I find strange and sort of fucked up is that N said he knew from the start that you'd ask for your keys back-- that's why he kept count. So, was he planning to become a drunk, brain-washed jerk all along? Did he have reason to think he'd screw up twelve times? Was it some weird game? Tribal magic?

Or was the whole Story of Twelve something he came up with to mess with your head, like that look he gave you when he blocked your path the other day?

Who is this guy? Does *he* even know?
Enquiring minds want to know...

3:04 AM  
Blogger V said...

Well, I dont think its too unbeleivable to think he had some weird idea that just popped into his head. Eh, roo? We all have those moments sometimes, right? (lol....i just read part of your most recent post.) And suppose after the third time or something he may have thought, "3 times already, how many times is this going to happen?"
But I would say, indeed, he probably doesn't really know who he is, and he's continually trying to be NOT who he is, and NOT of that culture because it's just so clear that it all doesn't fit with me. But it crumbles, usually pretty quickly, as major pretending usually does. Especially when it's pretending to prove you are far more mature than you actually are.
Sorry about the "forbidden" snafu...I had a hard time posting one night also, so it must've just been a blip.
lol SO....L theorizes though that what it may be telling him is that NEXT time, I wont give it back....that we've been through the ringer and now we'll live happily ever after. I do not appreciated this theory much!

7:20 AM  
Anonymous roo said...

Hmmm. L's theory is logically coherent, but unlikely since the man is a total tool.

Yes, I suppose you got me-- weird things can pop into one's head out of the ether.

Case in point:
The Dodecahedral Break-up, starring Valerie Bertinelli...

10:04 PM  

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