Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Visitors and Visiting

Phew. I've spent the last week and a half either having visitors and visiting NY. Fun, but I'm glad spring break is over.

I'm in crunch time for the pattern of the month for the store, but barring any printer disasters, I should be able to get it all set for tomorrow. I don't know how this happens...I really don't procrastinate all month, yet somehow I'm always coming down to the wire.

So, a while back, Stella wrote a post about settling. I can't find it...it was ages ago....I've mentioned I'm way, way behind, right? Well, to be honest, the post kind of pissed me off. I'm not entirely sure why. Oh....if you're reading this Stella, this is not a reflection on you...it was just my testy internal response to the blog post. And hell...here I am talking about it months later, so hopefully you won't take offense at me using it as a jumping off point. But after different things happening, and thinking about it for while, I think what my gripe really is....its with the word "settling." Thar's some shitty connotation with that word, now isn't thar? And honestly, I think that settling really seems to just means a shift in priorities when it comes to finding someone to live life with and maybe abandoning a fairy tale sense of romance. Maybe you decide that you want to be with someone who has a similar belief system, or educational level. Odds are that you came to this decision through either painful or fruitless relationships with other people. So, you decide that this quality it more important than the crushy gushy beginnings. It just doesn't seem like this progression should need to have the negative connotations of settling. Does it? Is it just me? Roo (who is currently blogless) was one of my visitors this past week and insisted that I just felt this way because of recent burns, but I maintained that it wasn't just that. Sure, getting burned by the crushy-gushies sucks, but there's a whole lot more to it.
First....I'm old! Haha....not really, but I'm old enough to not need to be all wrapped up in my partner. I'm perfectly happy having separate sections of my life that have nothing to do with him. And more than not needing to be wrapped up to that extent, I think I would prefer it at this point. It's just so exhausting, and I am waaaay over it.
Second, I seem to suck at choosing men based on the crushy gushies. Yup, somehow, I almost always choose a loser. Or at least one of those fine men that can pretend to be wonderful for 3 month and then, somehow, someway, they suck beyond belief forevermore. I know some of you can relate to this one.
And then... there was more that I can't remember now. I'm so out of practice blogging! But really, what do you guys think about settling? I feel like its an unfair way to look at finding someone based on....well....research. I've researched. This guy sucks for this reason. That guy sucks for some other reason. We're going to try to eliminate some of those variables and see if it works out any better. Anybody got a grant for me? Or at least some thoughts?

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6 Comments:

Blogger Michael said...

I always thought the process was rather experimental and somewhat random. I do like the idea of going somewhere where you can meet someone who likes at least a coupld of things you do, but that gets harder the older you are since things like art classes, wine tasting groups, or even church become more devoid of eligable people. Tough call there, but I know you can get back going. I have faith in you. :>) As for the word settle, it can be a good thing. Without settlers you wouldn't have people living in the western states. There they were the explorers, so settling can be rather scary and exciting as well. Just watch out for the natives, whose land you are stealing. :>)

8:38 AM  
Blogger Chris said...

I think "settling" is just a word with negative connotations, as you point out. I think that the "crushy gushy" route of looking for or finding someone can be as much "settling" as a calmer, more mature path.

9:52 AM  
Blogger Turtle said...

I don't think anyone should have to settle, but from some of my friends that i have watched going through the whole process...i think people need to be realistic in their expectations of the human race in general. A few of my friends have literally been looking for "prince charming" and more likely than not that would be fantasy...most men do not do household and car repairs, look like a god in a towel, cook, bring flowers home and romantic suprises as well as be the man...you get my drift. So, no do not ever settle, but be real and be happy!

9:58 AM  
Blogger knitnzu said...

Hmmm, settling does have a negative connotation! But I think that at some point we realize that the people that we have crushes on aren't necessarily the right types for us, and maybe that's where the idea of settling comes in. You 'settle' for somebody who doesn't give you that little thrill all the time. Maybe? But then there are those lucky ones that find each other and they totally thrill each other all the time. And if we don't have that, have we 'settled'?

8:17 PM  
Blogger Stella said...

well shoot V. you don't remember the post?

it doesn't ring a bell to me, because i'm usually a big fan of 'content' - which some may associate with 'settling'.

was it a comment i left on your blog..or my own?

its good to see you posting, its been awhile since i've checked in - i feel like i have some reading up to do...

stella.

3:17 PM  
Blogger Heide said...

Oh heck... even after being married for 16 years there are times when I want to hold a pillow over my husband's face while he's sleeping. And he's one of the better ones. Quirks, etc. of his that didn't bother me and were sometimes even endearing way back when now just annoy the crap out of me. I guess my points are that as we get older we're able to see through the romantic fluff to what is at the core of another person and that personal space or alone times becomes a necessity in order to preserve sanity. Sorry, I know that this probably did nothing to help you out and I don't think that all men are bad, etc. I hope that Little A is doing well and that the shop is keeping you busy.

8:57 AM  

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