Wednesday, January 31, 2007

How many times do I have to run through that freaking airport??

So, I have a new recurring dream. Any guesses on what it is?

Yep, all night long, running through an airport the size of NYC itself. Trying to catch some plane and never making it. And I rarely even know why I need to catch this plane.

Running. All night long. Not good for one's waking mood.

Any dream interpreters out there?

P.S. Blogger just FORCED my to upgrade (wouldn't let me sign in without doing it). I'm very nervous about this.


Friday, January 26, 2007

Freezing cold FOF and UFO

Holy mother is it cold out there today. If ONLY I could have stayed wrapped in my nice warm bed. Starbucks opened FORTY FIVE MINUTES late. This was NOT good news for the morning, especially since the first thing I thought when I woke up was "This is a venti-day."

I started a Microbiology class last night. The teacher was good, but intense. It's a little tough for me to be coherent past 8, so to still be trying to LEARN at 9:30? Eeeck! We'll see how that one goes.

I don't think I mentioned it yet, but due to the frightening and growing piles of unfinished objects in my apartment, I joined Kat's UFO Challenge!

This month, I went easy. Instead of finishing, I completely unfinished and returned the yarn to its state of "full of potential" instead of tied up in a nowhere project. A while ago, I made this bag for SP8.

I loved this bag A LOT and I didn't really want to send it away. But I did, convincing myself that I could dye some more recycled sweaters and make myself one. But the beginnings just weren't making me happy, so this:

Is now this:
Ready for a new adventure.

I also have the February recycled FO for today. (Early! Can you believe it? It will never, ever happen again. Knitting is definitely therapy.) And before you think "Wow, those are big calves, YES I have huge calves. Those nifty knee high boots rarely fit me. Boo-hoo.)

Can you believe I found that yarn sitting in a dumpy old thrift store sweater? It's beautiful and screamed knee socks to me. It's a little high on the acrylic (I think 70% Acrylic and 30% wool) so I'm guessing my feet now REEK! But they're too pretty for me to care. And on a day like today? They are doing excellent work at keeping the bottom parts of me warm.

The yarn was a bit thicker than sock weight, so I use size 4 needles and made up the pattern as I went. (The pattern is coming...I wanted to post it today, but I don't have my notes and I don't want to screw up the numbers!) In case you can't see, there's a cable running from the toe to the top. There is also another cable running from the heel to the top. I knit them toe-up because I wasn't really sure how much yarn I had. It was a women's sweater and I lost a bit to a cut v neck. Turns out, I had plenty. Maybe even enough for another pair of socks for my sister (who was quite jealous of this sweater find)! I'll try to get that pattern up on Monday. Have a lovely weekend! And stay warm!

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Wednesday, January 24, 2007


Thank you all for all of your comments, but I think I'm not going to post here about Mr. Eyes anymore. I know you're all trying to be immensely supportive, but I'm just feeling a little too lectured and its just not the kind of help I need right now. I'm feeling really bruised from N and this whole thing is really messing with me on a serious level. And I've got enough internal lecturing to last a lifetime. So thanks again for all your supportive comments, but I think I've gotta let this one go here.

Stay tuned for knitting.


Tuesday, January 23, 2007

How much fucking kindness can one person take?

I've been feeling a little lot fucked up lately. (Sorry for the "language", but beware, there is probably plenty more to come in the coming days.)

Mr. Eyes is getting to me.

Getting right through the walls of fears and morality and jealousy and pain with nothing more than constant and persistent kindness and tenderness. I repeat all the "stay-away", "keep your distance" mantras to myself over and over again, trying to strengthen those walls. And still everytime I see him they get broken down a little more. I try to turn every kind comment into something deceitful even if it seems to bleed with truth. I try to find ulterior motives for every movement, every look, every degree of warmth. I spend my days trying to strengthen those walls so that they might hold up for a few moments at night when he looks at me and insists that he loves me no matter how many times I tell him that he does not.

And I want to scream at him for chipping away at those stupid walls. Because I don't trust him...why would I? There's no where good for it to go....and so I rebuild those walls all day long. I say my mantras over and over. I put on the defense...the sarcasm....the exasperation and hope that they will convince someone...Maybe even me. Or at the very least, that they will spackle the walls back together.

But I don't trust those walls either. They've already proven their instability and, in the end, I know I don't want them there. I don't want to be a person who is baracaded by fear and suspicion and the past. I only keep them around because they seem to be the only things that protect me. At least a little. At least for now.


Friday, January 19, 2007

Finished Object Friday (Recycling!) AND KMKS!

This is a post in which my cat attempts to act like Chaos and Mayhem. I can only guess that he must be jealous of their bloggy notoriety because usually, he is completely disinterested in me and everything I do. But when I received my package from by KMKS pal, Jodie, he was all over it. Here are the contents as I pulled them out of the box:

Look at that great bag!! Me likey the greens! And pumpkin knows there is something interesting inside.

"This part of the package is definitely for the cat in the house."

Look at that! Beautiful wool, hand dyed by Jodie herself! It's absolutely beautiful and I can't wait to cast on the mittens. The pattern she sent are some great, long cabled fingerless mitts. I think the yarn is absolutely perfect for the pattern! (I'll post a link to the pattern...I left it at home in my early morning grog.)

Jodie also sent some lovely smelling goodies:


Cool huh? This is really a great little extra and I swear, I PROMISE, that I will attempt to not kill this lovely lavender plant within 2 weeks of starting it. Because the thrill of having lavender scenting my kitchen....oh so good! (But I must be honest...though I have kept a child alive for 8 years but, plants? I even killed a Christmas cactus if you can believe it.)

Thank you so much Jodie for the beautiful package!! And thanks to Scout and

(Dude. Blogger ate the rest of my post...What else did I say? Oh yeah....FOF)

Bev for organizing this great swap.

Okey-dokie. Here's the FO for the day:

What are those pieces of crap you are asking? Dishclothes. Made from a sweater that I ripped apart over Christmas. They aren't AS ugly as they look in the picture, but they are haphazard. Total utility crocheting...nothing fancy. I made them from a striped sweater and didn't even bother to trim the ends where the company had tied together the stripes. I love them though. They are the perfect size and they don't get smelling like other dishclothes, for some weird reason.

I actually have a pretty big obsession with recycling old sweaters. I had to tone it down for a while because the ripped up sweaters were totally overtaking my stash. But over Christmas? I binged. I bought 10 sweaters for $2 each at my sister's thrift store. I mean, come ON? How could I not? We all know how much yarn is in a sweater, right?? Two were for felting purposes only and you shall soon see some of it when my KMKS buddy gets her package. The others....are now overtaking my stash again! So I made a half-assed resolution to knit SOMETHING from a recycled sweater each month. At least ONE per month. Those dishclothes were January. February is almost done and WAY more beautiful.

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Tuesday, January 16, 2007

The times I miss high school

Are very few and far between. I went to three different high school's over the 4 years and was one pissed off teenager for the whole 4 years.

There *is* one thing that I miss though. I miss the days of having easy-going male friends. I have one, far away (so I see him like once every five years), but I wouldn't count any of the other men I know or see often as friends. Its probably my own fault for letting letters and emails fall through the cracks until all those friendships faded, and now? Male friends seem just problematic. New male friends always seem to have "motives" or they have other halves who think you have "motives".

I miss motive-less guy friends. I miss the ease of hanging out with a guy for hours without the worries of what the next unexpected movement will be. I miss being able to let down my guard, which I can never do now, not even for a moment. I miss being able to flirt, for the sole purpose of flirting and nothing more. I miss not having to censor everything I say so that it won't be confused as an invitation.

I miss trusting.


Monday, January 15, 2007

The day my boss told me to call him "Nancy"

That would be today. Apparently, even though my job is generally dull and simplistic, today, we need a code. Ok Nancy, whatever. I had to draw the line when he proposed the other part of the code be "I'll meet you at Victoria's Secret." Freak.


Friday, January 12, 2007

Finished Object Friday: Still leaching off Christmas

Finally a picture of ONE of the bag's ala Chris that I made:

Isn't it cute? It was so quick and easy....I'll definitely be making more of these! I made another, but I forgot to get a picture before I gifted it. Bad, I know. The other was for my friend L's little boy (heehee...I gave a purse to a boy!) but it was more boyish colors and I modified the handle to look a little more boyish (as his dad is Mr. Masculine and I'm sure already couldn't handle the purse part). I left 4 stitches live and did a garter stitch for about 5", then I-cord for about 5" and then another 5" of garter stitch. Can you visualize it ok? I filled the bag with match-box cars.

Despite my general lethargy, I did take down Christmas this past weekend, but someone in the household was very resistant to my doing so:

He refused to move from this box, so its the one last remnant of Christmas and will probably be out until he bursts through it and it falls to pieces.

No news on Mr. Eyes. He's annoyingly persistent and I end up giving the same speech everytime I happen to pass him in the hallway. It's fun. Really fun. I plan on barracading myself in the apartment all weekend and turn some Sex and the City up really loud. Send the form of Chinese Food if possible.


Wednesday, January 10, 2007

You silly omnivores...

I've noticed this strange, but consistent occurrence lately. When I tell people that I'm a vegetarian, they almost always then regale me of their favorite meaty recipe (think sirloin here) or the six different kinds of meat they had last night. Why? It doesn't bother me, but in all honesty, I've got nothing to add. So, I just sort of look at them with the only thought in my mind, "Really, is THIS what you need to tell a vegetarian? Do you realize I'm not going to have the same appreciation for your description of bloody rare steak as others might have?"

What is it? Defense? Meaty-confessional? Knee-jerk contrary conversation? Trying to out my hidden lust for meat?

**Mr. Eyes schwooped in to try to kiss me last night. It was unexpected movement so he made VERY brief contact before I flinched away. Eeck. Erck. Oye. So, I said to him, "Seriously, what would you do if you were me??" At which point he came toward me like a vulture. "No, no, no, not if you were me pretending to be YOU. No, if you were really ME." At which point he backed off.

I'm annoyed that he's making it so difficult to keep him in the benign friendly category.

**This part of the post is completely UNRELATED to meat, just in case you were wondering. REALLY, there was NO MEAT INVOLVED, thank you.

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Tuesday, January 09, 2007

And the evening started out in such a normal way.


This is such a ridiculous story, and potentially long, but I'll try to keep it in check so that you don't fall asleep somewhere in the middle.

A few months ago...

the endless rotation of people in my building brought a new bunch to live in the apartment directly above me. This was REALLY welcome as the last couple included a guy who must've thought he was the next American Idol as I was woken up by him many, many times singing LOUDLY and HORRIBLY in the middle of the night.

I didn't have a clear handle on just who lived up there. There were several women who looked enough alike that I couldn't even figure out how many were there or who they were, a girl around Little A's age, and a guy. The guy, very quickly, started making eyes at me. N and I were still together though, so I largely ignored they guy and his eyes and pretended like he was just making neighbor eyes at me. Yuh know, those hot and heavy neighbor eyes.

About 6 weeks ago, N and I had a huge fight. And here's something you may not know, when I'm pissed, I smoke. Quite a lot. So, I was outside smoking, fuming about N, and Mr. Eyes and the dude who lives across the hall from him came out to smoke as well. I chit-chatted with them in a neighborly way and hung out there for a while. In the meantime, 2 things happened. Mr. Eyes told me I was beautiful (HA!) a couple of times and N's cousin came through. When N and I finally got through THAT fight, I told him I had spoken to those guys, but his cousin told him after that and made it out to be some crazy-cheateresk behavior (Don't even get me started on him...I'm sure there was just a BIT of projecting in that assessment...fucking cheater). So, then we had ANOTHER fight which basically revolved around me defending my right to stand on my own fucking stoop, no matter who else was there and N declaring that he didn't want me to ever talk to that guy again. Just to keep the peace around the holiday's, I generally avoided the guy, as best I could, but it was really pissing my off because, well, I'm just not that girl that you can say such crap to. Sooooo....

As you all know, about 2 weeks ago, N and I broke up again. Not over this. It's hard to say what it was over because it was really over everything. But he'd tell you that it was over a cat. I'd tell you that it was either because he doesn't understand the concept of sterilization or because he thought it was ok to borrow $1,000 from an ex-girlfriend who is still carrying a torch for him. So since then, I've run into Mr. Eyes several times, but very breifly. And since N's out of the picture, and because the guy sauntered into the laundry room without a shirt on, I gave myself the freedom to notice how incredibly cute he is. I'm telling you, drool-on-my-shoes beautiful. PUT YOUR FUCKING SHIRT ON!!! I decided that I would just appreciate him for the eye-candy that he is and that would be it.

It's hard to convey the weirdness of the next part of the story because the whole thing makes him sound like a scab, which he probably is, but because of this intensely boyish charm he has (that I honestly can't even describe to you), he pulled off this conversation without me slapping him. The info you need before this next part...Mr. Eyes is the father of the girl and one of the women who lives up there is his girlfriend and the girl's mother. For all intents and purposes, they are married, in my mind.

Last night, as I again smoked and fumed over N on my stoop, Mr. Eyes came home. He stopped on the stoop to smoke and talk. Along in the small talk, he mentioned that he had today off so I asked what he was going to with his day off.

Mr. Eyes: I don't know. I don't really know this city well, like where the clubs are...

V: Ha, well don't ask me. I'm not a party girl.

Mr. Eyes: Maybe a movie then.

V: Oh yeah, there's a movie theater...(chatter about the artsy fartsy-ness of the movie theater)

Mr. Eyes: So, you can go to the movies with me?

V: Uh, no. I don't think your girlfriend would really appreciate you going to the movies with another woman, do you?

Mr. Eyes: It could be a secret.

V: Oh no. No, no, no, no.

And from there, it just went on and on. As soon as I let on that I knew what he was proposing, he was pretty insistent. But I'm an aries, its a rare person that can break through MY stubborness insistence. I had many, many reasons, moral reasons, logistical reasons, personal reasons, jealousy reasons, you name it. And to be honest, he may not have known enough english to combat them all. I mean I had reasons flowing right out of my wazoo. And in the end, he looked mildly defeated, but not defeated enough to refrain from saying, "I hope tomorrow, you'll change your mind." To which I said, "Tomorrow? Hahaha!"

It was just so odd. So open. So honestly talking about something that only leads to a pile of lies and hurt. I mean, I've had my toes in these waters before, and its never been so open. Previously, its been more like "I'm going sexual-innuendo you into bed, so that when/if you refuse (or I get caught) I can pretend like I wasn't doing anything at all." Yuh know?

And despite myself and despite the fact that he's revealed himself to be a cheating pig, I like him. Not in the want-to-have-an-affair kind of way, but just in the flirtatious friendly neighbor/eye-candy way. And I don't foresee that stopping because while N and I were in our depths of nastiness and fighting, Mr. Eyes was always there to look at me with a kind, warm, open face. (And yes, oddly enough the face pointed toward my face, and not toward my breasts or ass.) That face was there when I needed to see a kind face more than anything and I'd be completely lying if I didn't say that I appreciated it.


Friday, January 05, 2007

Finished Object Friday: The sweater

I have a couple more things to post, now that it is past Christmas, but I still don't have pictures of them all. But I do have this (though the picture itself sort of sucks):

This was for my sister from Vogue Knitting, Issue number something. It was supposed to have a ruffle on the sleeves as well, but I have seen my sister take the scissors to almost every sleeve ruffle she's ever owned, so I didn't bother because I would've been PRETTY pissed to have her cut off my knitting. And I was right to do so. As I explained this to the group just after she opened it, my brother-in-law remarked, "Oh yeah, she was just cutting apart a brand new shirt LAST night!" She loved it and wore it nearly the whole time I was at her house. It's a really quick knit if your hands can handle the size 15 needles. I had to do it in shifts because they were killing me, but I'm sure this is little more than a day's knitting if done with more ambition that I did it.

I'm having a really hard time getting going today. Sleeeeeepy. For no good damn reason. Tomorrow will be the first moment in my apartment alone since about 2 weeks ago, so I'm excited to sleep take down the Christmas tree, sit on my ass and watch movies work on my thesis, and knit make some tasty morsels for next week's lunches.


Thursday, January 04, 2007

Look at the pretty pictures.....

Since I don't seem to be back in full swing blogging mode yet, I present you with a day of pretty pictures. One of these things is not like the other....can you tell which?

The return of the lunches #1

Or breakfast in this case. Egg salad with tiny little toasts, and grape tomatoes. The right side is a fruit salad with clementines, strawberries, and kiwi. I got this nifty little lunch box at a dollar store while in NY. I guess its technically a "tiffin", but I'm no expert as the lunch box classification. All I was ONE dollar and is the perfect size for breakfasts.
The return of the lunches #2

The left is a salad with romaine, snap peas, cucumber, carrots and grape tomatoes. The right is a clementine, almonds, cheddar cheese and parmesean ranch ressing for the salad. I finally got to the farmer's market yesterday and good thing...all that was previously in my fridge was a bendy carrots and some drippy lettuce! Yumyum!

The return of the lunches #3

Little A's lunch which I made in front of her and she was VERY excited about. The left is 2 peanut butter sandwiches on baguette, a little cup of trail mix, a chocolate, and sliced cucumber. That little white thing? A tiny little packet of salt for the cucumbers. The right container is a the same fruit salad as above. Little A was jumping around at the prospect of this lunch.

The coming of the bird...

Isn't this insanely cute? I participated in the B-List Blogger's Ornament exchange organized by Mignon this year. I received this beautiful knitted birdy from Arabella from a frantic USPS man on December 22nd around 4:30pm. Isn't it lovely? Thank you Arabella! I'm sorry I didn't post about it sooner....I suck at blogging lately!

And that's it for today. Stay tuned for more clearing out of the 2006 blogging closet.

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Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Well I already tried this and blogger ate my post.

So you get the short version.

I'm still alive. And I'll post more soon.

Holiday highlights:

Little A loved her gifts...and I pulled off the Santa thing for one last time.

Yarn, yarn, and more that order.

Holiday lowlights:

Little A barfing


Big blow-out with N. Recovery unlikely.

BLOGGER. Just because you ate my post.

I'm not in a bad mood, but it seems blogger is trying to put me in one so I'm going to get some work done before I go crazy!